Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
