After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
