eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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