i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
