My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
