her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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