What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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