The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
