mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize