My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
