how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
