Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize