I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
