I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
