So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
