That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's blow job season.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
