FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize