what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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