Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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