thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
