sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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