Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
