I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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