sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
we should paint friendship bongs
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