Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
