She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
im on a boat
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