The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
