he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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