how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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