He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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