the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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