this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
