One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
