everyone is single if you try hard enough
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
