..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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