yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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