i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
