So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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