I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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