Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
