i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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