Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
