WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
