so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
