So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
