it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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