I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
