Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
