You're my little dorito
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
