32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
