He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
