If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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