Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
