As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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