Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
