My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
