i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
