I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
my poor anus
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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