Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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