So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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