I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just pee around me
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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