Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
