pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
