whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
