I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
