The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
