clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
