i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize