saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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