shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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