Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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