I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
