In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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