the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
