Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
