Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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