Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
