I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just had sex on a roof
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
