So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
