The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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