Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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