Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
cat food counts as protein by the way
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
