Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?

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(586): View more from Michigan

The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.

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(512): View more from Texas

She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."

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(561): View more from Florida

definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?

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(563): View more from Iowa

I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.

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(419): View more from Ohio

its not a party unless mikie exposes himself

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.

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(301): View more from Maryland

Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.

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