i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
