Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
