i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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