I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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