So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
