Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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