when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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