glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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