i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
