apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
