i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
