You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
