You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
