What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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