We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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