the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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